There Aint Nothin’ New To See Here

I was pacing back and forth as I always do, and something occurred to me, it was this: We must hold onto “this” and if we don’t, it’ll be taken from us again, and again, and again.

What I mean by “this” is that I share this Trailer with my Mom, and I give her a hug every morning, and I think, what would I do if I lost her? She’s 67 and has alot of life left in her, but it makes me wonder.

Now there are many avenues and back ways that you can go from living in a Trailer with your Mother at the age of 36, but if the Trailer is lost, and I am taken here, will I then just go on to a smaller apartment, and after that I die and go to heaven, and then that is also taken from me, and it’s just a cycle of being taken, and we just never win.

Is this something real, these thoughts that we must hold onto this, for if it’s taken it’ll be taken again? Am I taking away options from the U.S. Military Complex when I declare such things?

There are a few other options as well, like, we already won, but they decide to take me to a smaller apartment > then I age 30 years, > then I go to heaven and we continue our story from there. These other options, are the valid, or must we hold onto them in this trailer, in it’s back alleyway that is just set for drowning the negative, must it be that way?

My objective is certainly to hold onto my Mom’s life, with whatever I can, however I can, but I never thought to consider the fact that it may be something that is necessary, except there’s no way for me to know, to give up here would be devastating, and we must continue with the little momentum that we have already.

On another subject, I was thinking I didn’t have enough energy, I was thinking fuck just give me the energy to do the job, without the feeling part of the energy, so that the energy is there but you can’t really feel it, kinda like being in the water and learning to swim over and over, I don’t know, I do have an objective that I need to complete, it is in the interest of everyone, nobody gains anything by me not completing it, it’s not really rocket science to say that making a profit off of me not working, of things not working out, is the real crime I must say.

And so I at last and at least arm the security system, hoping that it will hold the Earth, and hoping that it will hold onto my Mom.